It's the second morning since the earthquake. Anxieties are just beginning to diminish a bit, though there are still aftershocks. They are becoming less frequent but there are no guarantees. Yesterday around 1 pm we had another quake of around 6.8. Enough of a shock for more houses to come down..one not far from the trampled cornfield where we are camped out. It raised a massive dust cloud. Later in the afternoon there was a huge explosion and everyone ran to the edge of the field and looked south where plumes of smoke were rising. Although at the time I thought I understood people to say it was a gas works, I later found out that that smoke was actually from the burning ghats below Swayambhunath. The smoke was still rising around the clock when I left Kathmandu days later.

Last night was pretty miserable with heavy rains, thunder and lightning. We heard on the BBC report on the little transistor radio that bad weather was rolling in and would hamper relief efforts, so Palmo, Tejendra’s wife (who is a powerhouse and always busy cooking and taking care of everyone) had some time to dig a trench around the cleared area where a tent has been erected to shelter 19 of us. Tent may be an inaccurate descriptor; it is a hodge-podge of old plastic tarps of all sizes, cobbled together and patched in places with empty chips bags. In the rain and wind it leaked like crazy and we ended up piling all the damp bedding in the center and taking turns standing and trying to hold up its wings to aid the rain in shedding off and not caving the whole thing in. Also, yesterday Tejendra cut a new, longer bamboo ridge pole from the bamboo grove at the foot of the field, to try to give us a larger footprint.

On the first night we were literally sleeping on top of one another, not that anyone slept more than a few minutes at a time. the fight or flight response was still on high adrenalin. Every small rumbling sound or vibration made people shout in fear..until someone recognized the sound as a truck passing on the road above us or an airplane taking off. That first afternoon and night there were maybe 40-50 aftershocks, which was terrifying. The fear just didn't let up. Folks would leap up and go running for open ground. Many times we ran from our blankets in the dark without shoes, clinging to one another and shaking with fear. It's utterly exhausting on every level. 

I reflect that I now know how one could have a mental/emotional breakdown. For most of the first 24 hours I was so unrelentingly scared that in retrospect, I think I was probably in a state of shock. I could hardly talk..as if I were husbanding all my reserves just to endure. I certainly could not eat and my whole body felt shaky and weak. Wrung out but totally wired at the same time.

The quake itself was terrifying. Crouching on the ground shortly afterward, hemmed in by one of our Shanti kids, her sister (both of whom were holding my hands, squeezing my fingers painfully and saying over and over, "so scaring, Didi, so scaring") and family (Tejendra and I had been doing a home visit) and a big crowd of people in her neighborhood, we were all traumatized and terribly afraid. It's the uncertainty! You just thought you might die and you can't relax and recover because you have no idea if it is over or if something bigger is coming. The waiting and the feeling of powerlessness is a debilitating tension to hold. Every tremor could be the start of another quake, a bigger one. And there were so many shakes and tremors that continued.

We had no way of knowing about the devastation around the city and in the remote areas- that would be revealed in the hours to come. But everyone assumed the worst. (We did come to know that a six story school down the street from where we were, had pancaked in the quake. Thankfully it was Sunday and school was closed. )

As soon as we could gather our wits even a bit, we headed for higher ground. At the time it seemed insane to go anywhere. It meant walking close to some tall buildings which seemed extremely dangerous to me, given that we couldn’t know if the quake was over. It just felt like it wasn't safe Anywhere! I've since become convinced of their strategy...get to open ground away from buildings ...in this case a field on a hillside. I just didn't like running the gauntlet to get there. 

Unfortunately, because of how congested and dense Kathmandu is, many, many people do not have this option. They have no place to go to avoid damaged and dangerous buildings but onto the streets. It seemed that all of Kathmandu would be camping out in the days to come. Radio reports encouraged citizens to stay outside in case of another quake.

Kathmandu would become a tent city.....